Someone said to me the other day, ‘are The Weekly Cat reporting on the Royal Wedding?’ My answer at the time was no because it’s boring, but after all it’s big news, apparently. So I sent my best young writers to completing the task and this is what I got.

So in the end, even though the Royal Wedding is boring and is altogether pointless, I had to get my most experienced and patient freelance feline to help me out. Though when I called him in he wasn’t best pleased as he recently retired.

'You're gonna get me to write about the wedding aren't you?'